on betrayal

i attended the communal penitential service last night at franciscan chapel (that's fancy name for roppongi church hehe)... anyway, before the service, the gospel was read... the betrayal of judas escariot.. then fr.russell gave a short sermon... (i love listening to his sermons/homilies, cool talaga siya hehe)

anyway, he talked about the betrayal of judas to Jesus... he said that it was not the kiss, or exchanging Jesus for 30 pcs of silver was the actual betrayal... for one, during those times, everybody knows Jesus... He was not even hiding, He was just there, praying, preaching, walking around... those Pharisees do not really need judas to point who Jesus is :p judas hanged himself after realizing what he did... he was ashamed, he thought what he had done to Jesus was unforgivable... and that's the real betrayal... thinking that God will never forgive us... thinking that He will never be able to love us again...

fr.russell also mentioned that, everyday we discover something unforgivable or unlovable in ourselves... sometimes other people point out them to us... but with God, He continuously find ways to forgive us, to love us.. to make those new unforgivable and unlovable things forgivable and lovable... He never gets tired... He is just out there ready to accept and love us... BUT... as long as we know how to forgive ourselves and not betray his love... so it doesn't end there... when we learn how to forgive ourselves, we should learn how to forgive others.. no matter how unforgivable or unlovable they are. that's the hardest part :p "what I did to you, you should do it to others"... whenever we ask for forgiveness but we do not grant it to those people who have hurt us, we betray God. so betrayal is two-fold: 1. when we do not forgive ourselves and, 2. when we do not forgive others.

as i confessed my sins last night, the penance the priest gave me was tough... to pray. upon hearing that, my inner voice was yelling, "holy cow, i do that!" but as the priest explained to me...whenever we pray and ask for pardon, often times we just think of ourselves or generally, we pray for our families, friends... he told me this time, TO PRAY... pray that I will be enlightened and show me what God really wants me to do, wants me to be... kumbaga, alam ko na ung tama or mali... hindi ko lang siguro ginagawa ung DAPAT gawin...