it's not college anymore

i graduated 4th in my batch... the whole ust college of science... magna cum laude... top of my class...

10th in high school. valedictorian in elementary.

no, i'm not a geek... perhaps... an achiever... correction... over achiever.

i was acing my exams, quizzes, reports, thesis... joined lots of org, held positions, and had a not-so-low-profile...

then nsp came to my life. blag! there goes the confidence i had from the 14 years of my school life.

it was a humbling experience for me. it's not that i became proud... i was just "twakked!" by God so i can understand that i can't do everything or achieve everything. i learned to accept failures. (way back in college, i can't even forgive myself if i got 7/10 in an exam, hehe)

but i don't want to fail again. that's why i work hard, study hard... but sometimes, the pressure is really killing me... making me unhappy... making me low... bumabalik ung ugali ko na "ang tamad mo ksi kaya ayan, may mali ka pa rin" feeling ko kahit mag-aral ako ng mag-aral babagsak pa rin ako. grabe. nakakaawa ako.

i keep on beating up myself just because ang taas ng expectations ko sa sarili ko or dahil na rin sa trauma. feeling ko ang tamad-tamad ko kaya ang baba ng self-esteem ko. grabe. twak! twak! twak!

stop beating up yourself, gl0riecAr! :twak: please relax... and enjoy japan... onegaishimasu ^_^